The Ironman: A Selfish Pursuit?
A couple of months ago an acquaintance and I were talking about running and triathlons. She is an avid runner and also enjoys doing olympic distance triathlons. She mentioned that 2 of her friends had recently trained for an Ironman. Then, she went on in great detail to explain how selfish it is for people with young children to take on such a task. I sat and listened carefully and also bit my tongue, as I did not want to mention that I was going to tackle this "selfish" pursuit as well. My lack of bringing it up was more so she did not feel uncomfortable about potentially upsetting and/or insulting me. Actually, I was not upset, as I found all of her points of view to have some validity to them and her convictions were so strong that I was not going to talk her out of them anyway. The one thing that stuck with me from that conversation was "they stole time from their families to do what they wanted".
I am currently 12 weeks into my training and have about 5 months more to go before the big day. The training has gone well and I have been able to complete the workouts with very little disruption in my family life. Of course, that has not been easy. I carefully and creatively schedule workouts at very early hours before the kids wake up or on days that I am off work, but they are in school. For the most part, I have kept my guilt to a minimum about this time consuming endeavor by keeping the impact low on anyone else.
Our messy, messy, mess of a playroom/exercise room...but having fun!
I had put the conversation about "selfishness" out of mind until this Friday. The past week has been very hectic and I had to change my entire schedule and squeeze things in where I could. Friday morning I started my 3 hour ride on my bike trainer and felt very anxious about the million and one things I had to do. However, #1 was getting the ride done, since the rest of the week had gone amiss. I pedaled for 30-40 minutes and was fine. Then, I started to look around the kid's playroom (where my bike is located) and I felt overwhelmed with guilt. It is a gigantic mess, toys everywhere, dust bunnies in the corners, and dog hair piled up under the treadmill!
"Let's see...I can get off this bike now and start cleaning...or sit here for a few more hours!?!"
My mind went off to: "what are you doing?", "are you really going to spend 3 hours here looking at this mess?". Then, the conversation came back: "You are stealing time from your family!" "Am I being self-centered?" "Is this indeed a selfish pursuit?"
Fortunately (or unfortunately depends on your point view), I had 2+ more hours on my trainer to think about it!
Would you like to save this?
We'll email this post to you, so you can come back to it later!
So what did I come up with? Sure, this is a bit selfish, as this is something that I want to do for me and yes, it is time consuming. (Although, so is a round of golf every weekend and that seems to be socially acceptable.) There is no financial gain here, I'm not winning the event or going to the Olympics. It's unlikely that I will excel in my career (as an RN) because I have this under my belt. This is not going to help my children in the future or in any other way... Or is it? At this moment, I started to think of all the races I have done and how much fun the kids have had at them. There are some races that they ask me to do again because "that was really fun!".
They have watched me be very committed to something I love that is not attached to anything financial or material, as it is completely intangible. They have seen me spend hours and hours training for marathons and triathlons then cross the finish line joyfully even though I may have finished at the bottom of my age group. I finished..smiling...and that is what matters.
I had a goal, I worked diligently, and I finished it in the best way that I could! What a great lesson for them to see?! The Ironman is something I dreamed of doing when I was a 14 year old girl that loved being on the track team and competing for the local YMCA swim team. If this dream is a selfish pursuit, then so be it! My only hope is that my children learn from me that it is "ok" to pursue their childhood dreams as an adult, even if others may not understand.
I would love to hear your thoughts? Selfish pursuit or fulfilling a dream?
***This post was originally written in March of 2015 during my training for Ironman Mont Tremblant, which I completed in August 2015. I am currently training for Ironman Lake Placid 2017.
I felt like this about training for a marathon but came to similar conclusions. Also I am a nicer person to be around when I have been out running so better for my three kids and two step sons! I now want to do a IM but it's going to be a long journey as I can't do front crawl yet and need a road bike! Ha ha. Thanks for sharing. This is a lovely post x
The post is so great! Thanks for sharing:)
irenethayer.com
Definitely not selfish at all
I could see how people could see intense exercise plans like this as "selfish" but I know myself and I know that I'm MUCH nicer, happier, & less stressed when I'm exercising regularly! So honestly I think it makes me a better wife, friend, and sister when I'm working out consistently!
Um, what? Does this person have children? I think it's a selfish pursuit and I think you're fulfilling your dream...I think "selfish pursuits" can be perfectly fine, and this is a prime example. We moms are still individuals, and as such, we need time to ourselves. When we get that me time, we are much better to our children. At least I know that I am. All that other stuff? It can wait. If your family is on-board with your training, then keep on! Don't let that Negative Nancy kill your vibes. Perhaps she's jealous of your abilities?
I think that moms need to fulfill themselves before they can fulfill others. Go girl!!!
im so proud of you for doing something great for your self - mentally, physically and emotionally this is a great goal. im sure your family is supportive of this and at the end what really matters is that you are doing it for yourself. family and kids are always going to there and you are setting a great example for them to find passion, work hard, and stick to something you enjoy doing. do not let negative people demotivate you. you go girl!
More moms need to do something for themselves, myself included. This is so motivating and inspiring for so many out there.
One could say it is selfish, but I'm a firm believer that moms need to have some things (or at least one thing) that we can do and enjoy for a reason that doesn't include children or a spouse. Typically, moms spend all their energy and time doing what is best for their family, or thinking about kids first... and in my opinion, not only is it ok to be selfish occasionally, it's a necessity for moms to stay happy and sane!
Angela doing something for you and that you love is not selfish. It makes us better at all the other things we do. You've got this!
NO way! I can't believe you'd even think that. It's absolutely a wonderful thing for you to do. Don't let anybody tell you otherwise.
Sometimes being 'selfish' is really not selfish at all! Like you said, you are being an awesome example to your kids about going after your dreams and goals!
Rock on lady!!!!
Having just competed my first 140.6 this past summer and having a wife and 3 kids (7, 10, and 12), and a job... I can totally relate. Me deciding to race Roth was a family decision- something we all agreed we would do. The family certainly did get impacted by my weekends of 10 hours on the bike- but they accepted it and supported me and my desires. Yes at times it did feel selfish- but I firmly believe that as parents we have to have some identity that isn't always tied to our kids. We are our own people with our own needs and wants. Sure, we are parents. But it doesn't mean we have to only be parents.
Thank you for sharing. This was the message I needed today. Yesterday was a marathon I had decided not to register for and compete in even though I had two solid months of training under my belt (rather my legs lol). However, I hadn't talked it over with my wife fully, or looked at our family calendar to know if that specific race was timely. I had thoughts of another 70.3 or my first 140.6 in 2017, and I know one of those will come true so long as it's involves a family discussion and agreement...and the hours of training :)
I can totally relate to all of this.... I'm signed up for my first IM. I have 3 kids 8, 5 and 5 month old baby. So many people believe it's a selfish pursuit BUT I honestly believe my kids get so much out of it then if I were to not do it. My choice of race was chosen on what works for them, activities on the day etc and a race a the start of the school holidays as there is no way I could train with 3 at home all day. They can not wait. So I have to ignore the haters which is really tough some days.... it's my passion yet I never talk about it. That's why the Internet is so great. Connecting with others who get it snd who do it!!!
So often Moms are not selfish, they give and give and give. So selfish, yes. And that is ok! We should be allowed to be selfish and by being selfish and doing something for ourselves, it make us better parents. I just did my first Ironman (Madison, Sept 11, 2016) and was able to maintain a family life, a full time job, and a house remodel. My kids (5 and 9) go to daycare so I took days off of work, got up at 4am before they were up, and did take some weekend days to train with MY friends. But dang it, that's OK. We need a life and goals as well as the rest of the family.